When I first started becoming active in the community of this game, and ventured onto the (Blitz) forum, Edurace was one of the people that stood out to me. Not only because he posted very often, but more so because he always very much spoke his mind.
It wasn’t until later that I understood he had stomach cancer and was terminal. Though knowing that shouldn’t have changed how I thought of him, it did. It put things into perspective for me, and helped me better understand why he never hesitated to share his thoughts the way he did. If he had an opinion, he shared it. If he wanted to troll, he trolled. If there was a situation of injustice in any way somewhere on the forum, Edurace would dive head-first into it and let himself be heard.
Edurace travelled a lot, enjoying the time he had left the best he could, going places, spending time with his loved ones – and spending time on Blitz. He would share that with us, both the fun he’s had in game, tog-toons included, and outside of it. He would often spam the heck out of us on Discord with pictures. Pictures of his battles, his view wherever he was, his hotel room, his food, his wine, and of his loved ones, though mostly of MissShiv. The pictures, along with the short sentences that would come with them, showed how proud he was of his loved ones, and just how much he loved them.
When he spoke of his disease, he would speak with such wisdom, such strength. And acceptance. He didn’t lie down and wait for it, he choose to do everything he could, to -enjoy- everything he could, while he still accepted what would inevitably come. He handled it all with such grace, it really made me feel in awe of him. And he did his best, for himself and for us, to make things more light-hearted again if the conversation started to become heavy and sad when talking about it. Despite everything, he didn’t dwell on it.
When your life comes to the end, you start to think about it. Why things are like they are. But then it’s wine and trolling in Internet just to forget everything else
In the conversations he and I had, we could get quite philosophical. He really got me thinking, and it was such a pleasure. The way he spoke betrayed just what an intelligent man he was, and how remarkable he was. But most days, you couldn’t tell he was ill at all. He would just be laughing with us, talking about whatever subject was going on at that time or sharing jokes that showcased his amazing sense of humour.
Over the last couple of months though, he had become more quiet, hadn’t been in the game or in the chats much. Nearing the end of January, it became obvious that there wasn’t much time left. You could see in the way he said things that he was in pain, and had a hard time finding the fun in things. On February 4th, he left his long time home in the game – Clan AFK/IRMA – because he didn’t want to be “a dead body in the clan”. He deleted Discord as well. I don’t know how many messages he must have gotten in game, from AFK/IRMA, the whole Synergy community and beyond that, but it must have been tons. I sent my own share of them.
He got back to me on February 10th, having had surgery the day before. We talked for a bit and he was having a rough time. All I wanted to do was somehow be there and give him a big hug. Reading back that conversation now, trying to sort my thoughts and my words for this blog, there’s still so much I wish I would have said but didn’t think of at the time.
I know MissShiv wasn’t always happy with the amount of time he spend with us and on the game, but I am grateful she shared him with us all the same. He has affected so many of us in such a positive way, left such an impression. The way he looked at life, the way he thought about death, is something I will take with me for the rest of my life, and I hope that whatever comes my way, I’ll be able to handle it with even half the grace he’s shown.
I heard about his passing last night, while I was hosting an event I do monthly. We were on teamspeak with quite a few people, when I got asked by someone if it was true that he had died. It didn’t take long to find out that it was indeed true. I confirmed it, and the room just got quiet. No one spoke. I think none of us knew what to say.
Throughout the evening, the night and today, reactions to the news are becoming visible all over the place. It goes to show what he meant to people, to the community. In Synergy discord, it’s very quiet today. All that’s being posted right now is wine-glass emoticons, our own way of saluting our friend.
He was taken from this life way too young. Knowing how much he’ll already be missed by us, I can’t even begin to imagine how it must feel to his family. He was truly a remarkable and amazing man.
Actually, the more I enjoy the life every day, the better my analysis. I am starting to think that people just give up when they die.. People that WANT to live, live longer…
And it couldn’t be more true. The doctors had said that he wouldn’t live beyond Christmas 2015. He was with us until February 23rd, 2017, and he will be sorely missed.